Not so fun Friday!

If you don't know a good amount about ttc, you may get a little lost in this post. I'll try to explain as much as I can. So, if you are interested try and keep with it.

So, I started Provera June 9th. This is a medication that forces you to have a period. I take 2 pills for 5 days, and usually 3 to 5 days after the last pill I start my period. This time 14 days past with nothing. No period at all. I call and talk to a nurse, and she tells me she is going to call in Premarin (estrogen) because they don't think my lining is building up to have a period. I go pick it up (its 30 bucks). I start spotting the next day. And I get af full on the day after. I schedule my baseline ultrasound for today, CD 3. This is to make sure everything is okay before I start my Clomid and Follistim (fertility meds). Well, they do a check and things are not okay. Erin (nurse practitioner) tell me I have a huge cyst, and turns the ultrasound screen to show me. And the cyst is huge. 58mmx35mm. I have to be careful for the next month while I take birth control to try and shrink the cyst, and hope it goes away. I guess, its big enough if it rupture it could cause damage to my ovary. And here is the giant monster inside of me.

The little tiny dots to the right of the huge one are how big your follicles are supposed to be at this point. The cyst is inside my ovary, and has it stretched 3 times the size its supposed to be. Erin was really surprised I hadn't been having a lot of pain. It is sore on that side from the ultrasound I think. But if I get any sharp pains I have to come in.

This girl can't catch a break. Better luck next time?

I wish I had news.

But I don't. :(

My period refuses to start even after taking Provera. This has never happened before. :(


Complete suckage.

I've got a secret!

I started my provera today. You know the "Hey body, make with the perioding" pill. Wooohoooo. That means we are in the early stages of starting a cycle, but as of right now its a secret. Which means, if you read this shhhhhhhhhh. :) I don't feel extremely hopeful, but whatever. I'll get through it.

In other news, I have a brand new nephew! I was there to see him be born, and it was incredible to be a part of. My sister in law had a natural birth, and it made me feel empowered. At first inferior, but now empowered. Here is my new nephew. Rylan Andrew! Isn't he just fabulous!?









I have lots to do, so I should get going. But I'll try (promise promise) to write more! :D


oxoxox.

Well, I really am just terrible at keeping this blog up to date. I guess I will start where I left off. It turns out I did not ovulate on my own just from the drilling. :( When I called the office to get the results she explained that my progesterone was only 0.9, and was indicating I didn't ovulate and that I wasn't going to start my period. I was sitting on the bed, and Jonathan was laying beside me. I hung it up and just started to bawl, I was inconsolable. He just held me and I cried for a couple minutes, gained my composure and went on with my day.




Flash forward to March 14th when I started a period from taking more provera. I expected nothing from this cycle whatsoever. To me, in my head, this whole thing had became a means to the end. To get to a failed IVF cycle so I could say to myself "I have done everything I could, and this is it. Its over, and its time to move on." My doctor told me he wanted to do a Clomid/Follistim cycle, which is the last thing I did before the drilling, so I expected even less. We have 4 ultrasounds that cycle. A baseline, which was normal. A cycle day 10 check, that revealed absolutely nothing. It looked as though it wasn't working. A cycle day 14 check. This one was intriguing. The doctor said I had a dominant follicle, which hadn't ever happened before. He said continue to take the shots and come back. I came back on cycle day 16, still expecting nothing at all. I am laying there like I always do, Jonathan is sitting behind the doctors not even paying any attention to the ultrasound machine. It was pretty much "lets get this over with so we can go home." The doctor, a resident, and nurse were all in the room as well. The doctor tells me I have nice lining, we all have a good laugh about it. Because I always have good lining. Every ultrasound tech and doctor has complimented me on my lining. WOOOHOOO. lol. Then he uses the wand to look the right and says  "OH!!! There's one!!!!" Even he was surprised. I sat half way up...wand and all and said "REALLY?" I lay back after getting a glimpse, and notice Jonathan has popped out of his chair to look over the doctor shoulder to get a look himself. Its been the best feeling during this journey so far. He told us to go home and take the trigger, and then you know what!

Then my first official 2 week wait started. And it took forever. We took tons of tests, tried different peoples houses, just incase our bathroom is cursed. But 15 days after my first cycle with ovulation my period started. And it was crushing. But, its been a couple days, and many deep breaths later I have decided to call this a successful cycle. We finally know how to get my body to ovulate, and that should make the next cycle easier.

Until next time,

oxoxox Emmi

Tomorrow We Should Find Out...

If I ovulated! And I am soooo nervous. I haven't really had to face the option that maybe the ovarian drilling didn't work, until I realized how soon I would know. I'm so afraid, and so nervous. I don't even want to know anymore. Like, maybe that sounds dumb. I don't know. If I just waited to see if I got my period, at least then I could hold out hope for another week. If they call me tomorrow, and I tell me I didn't ovulate then I have to deal with it right then and there. I'm not ready to let go of the hope. Its the first time in a long time I have actually felt hopeful more than 12 days after my period started. It feels good. I don't want to do more treatments, I don't want to take anymore pills. I don't want anymore shots, or follicle scans. I just want my baby. That's all. That is all I have asked for 2 and a half years. I just want to hold you, or even just take comfort in the fact that you just kicked me. Or hear your heartbeat. Anything.